The Answer is Still No

Say your child wants a candy bar ten minutes before dinner and you say no.      He Whines.                                        The answer is still no.                                    You are in a hurry, in a line, at the grocery store…                                                             He gets louder, turns red, and stomps his feet.                                     The answer is still no.                    Then the kindly grandmother, in line behind you begins to show concern and offers to buy a candy bar for your child.                           The Answer is still no.                                                                                                  He is now on the floor screaming and is a deep royal purple. Everyone around you is looking at you and your child, do you still say no? Every parent knows, intellectually, the answer to that question, however when confronted with such a display of frustration and distress by our little bundle of joy, in a public forum we are often pulled between what we know and what we feel. As adults, we have trouble dealing with our daily frustrations, just as the children we love do. Therefore, the answer is still no, because children need to know we mean what we say. They need to trust that even if they really, really, really want that candy bar, that they can believe us. So now what? We know the answer is still no, however…   He is still on the floor. What next? First, remove your child from the scene. A good tantrum loves an audience, so take your child off the stage. This quick and decisive action may be all that is needed to begin to quiet him. He is probably wondering what just happened. In his mind, he should now have candy bar in hand. If your child is one of the more stubborn varieties and you can’t wait for the tantrum to end you may have to get more creative though. Redirection is often very effective. Say something silly, talk about everyday stuff, tell a story or sing a favorite song. Try telling them to breath in and blow out or offer a wet wipe to dry their tears. No, you can’t give them the candy bar but don’t be afraid to comfort them, after all it is just a tantrum, and you do still love them. Remember this will pass as so many phases do, and you will smile about it someday when he tells you about what your darling grandchild did yesterday at the grocery store.